House Hunting in Houston

Last week, at the very last moment, Roo and I decided to go find a place to live in Houston as we're planning on moving there at the end of the summer.

I didn't take any pictures of our trip due to a number of factors including, but not limited to:

A) 8 months pregnant

B) 90 degrees

C) 2000% humidity

So I will sum it up briefly with words.

Saturday:

• After a three hour flight, we were waiting in the rental car line behind a French speaking couple who spoke only French. The poor lady working behind the counter did her best to explain "liability" and "upgrade" to them in her loudest voice, but it was just taking forever to get them out of there. When it was finally our turn, Roo was polite and patient despite having to wait so long. She was apparently expecting him to be rude and impatient and was so pleasantly surprised when he wasn't that she very passionately expressed her thanks to both of us, telling me in her delightful Texan drawl that I had the best husband on earth, and that God would surely bless us. Then after upgrading our rental from compact to SUV for no charge, she profusely wished God's blessings upon us along with our car and our journey and our lives with a heartfelt, two-handed handshake. This, accompanied by the blast of suffocatingly hot, wet air as we emerged from the building made for a warm (literally) welcome to Texas.

• Taste of Texas for dinner. $40 steak. Totally worth it. We see people praying over their food in the restaurant and are probably more shocked than we should be at the Texans' blatant religiousness. As our realtor later put it, "We love ourselves some God down here!"

• Watched House Hunters on HGTV and took a bubble bath on our 15th floor hotel room.

Sunday:

• Went to church in a neighborhood of amazingly picturesque, tree lined streets with million dollar homes.

• Met Sara, our realtor provided to us by Roo's company. Sara is nice. Sara drives a nice car. Sara likes to talk. Sara likes to tell mildly interesting anecdotes about every aspect of her entire life. Roo and I reply with polite laughter as we can't come up with a response to most of her stories.

• Getting hot. I submit to the reality that I will never be able to have straight hair here.

• Saw Roo's office and two apartment complexes. Feeling good about Houston.

Monday:

• Sara picks us up. Shares more stories about her life. Roo and I say a lot of "uh huh's" and "yeah's". More polite laughter.

• The seemingly endless parade of apartment complexes begins in full.

Place 1: "Here is the pool"

"The fitness center is open 24 hours a day"

"Look at these wonderful closets"

"...all the amenities you could ever want"

"No, you have to pay for your own utilities"

"you look tired. Would you like a drink?"

Place 2: "Here is the pool"

"The fitness center is open 24 hours a day"

"Look at these wonderful closets"

"...all the amenities you could ever want"

"No, you have to pay for your own utilities"

"you look tired. Would you like a drink?"

Place 3: "Here is the pool"

"The fitness center is open 24 hours a day"

"Look at these wonderful closets"

"...all the amenities you could ever want"

"No, you have to pay for your own utilities"

"You look really tired. Would you like a drink?"

• By Place # 8 it had reached a scorching 157 degrees with 1212% humidity. I was so exhausted I sat slumped in the back seat of Sara's car, too tired to even fake laugh at her quips, suffering from heat stroke despite the a/c, surrounded by seven empty water bottles. Violently annoyed at Sara's GPS which had taken us on a 20 minute detour through the ghetto for no apparent reason.

• Evening: Back at the hotel. Took off sweaty clothes. Watched three hours of HGTV and Animal Planet. A show about mother leopards makes me cry. A show about neglected puppies makes me cry. A horse dies on TV and makes me cry. A man called "The Bear Whisperer" says he's going to "kick that bear's ass" and makes me laugh.

• Dinner and a movie. By then I am so sore from the day I start to cry. It gets stormy. I start to cry. There is lightning. I continue to cry. I think about home. You can guess what I did then.

You get the idea...it was a rough day for all involved.

Tuesday:

• Bracing myself for another gauntlet of a day.
• We see an apartment complex. It really does have all the amenities. It is in a lovely part of town.The rent is the best so far. It is great! The day isn't quite so hot! This place is perfect! I'm feeling good! We sign the lease, put down the very small deposit, and have officially gotten ourselves a place to live! I have a lemonade to celebrate and I do not cry.

• Another $40 steak for dinner. We're way under-dressed and laughing way too loudly. The waitress informs us that she just found out she is pregnant today and to celebrate the fact that both she and I are pregnant, she gives us a free dessert...and her life story.

Wednesday:

• Instead of staying until Friday as planned, Roo packs up his physically and emotionally fragile wife and flies us both home today. I see the stares of the nervous passengers at the airport willing me to not give birth on their flight. I don't give birth on the flight. I am actually looking forward to living in Houston. It seems nice. But for now, I am happy to be home in cold Utah with my family and my pets.

So there you have it. After much tribulation, we have secured a place to live and made it over one more hurdle on the path to real-life adulthood.