I have an age complex.
What I mean by that is that I am overly self-conscious about how old I am. I am constantly aware of how I think others perceive my age.
I guess this mental stumbling block can be traced back to my having gotten married at a young age. From the moment I said, "yes" and Roo got up off his knee, I have been aware of my age, or lack thereof, because everyone was always very quick to point it out. I had to steel myself for the inevitable surprised faces that people would try to stifle when they found out my age or that I was already married. I grew used to the blank stares and long pauses and the incredulous, "wait--how old are you?!"
Coupled with my actually being young, I also look young and sound young. It's like I hit 14 and nature leaned back with her hands behind her head, propped her feet up on her desk, and said, "What the heck, let's just stop there." Consequently, every waitress calls me "hon," the clerk at the grocery store calls me "sweety," and security guard at the concert venue has to check my ID twice to make sure I'm old enough to get in. I took this all in stride until one day when I noticed that the waitress who had just crouched down to take my order and call me a motherly, "honey" was probably born in the early 90s!
A few years ago, Roo and I were flying to Great Britain for a study abroad program. Before takeoff there had been a minor problem with some equipment on the plane, so the attendants were ushering everyone off the plane while the issue was resolved. Of course, they invite all families with small children and children traveling alone to disembark before everyone else. The attendant moved down the aisle helping these people. As she came towards us, my fellow classmates chatted with each other while the attendant looked at me, stopped, and kindly touching my arm asked, "Are you over 12?"
I was 19.
Not only was I the only married person in our study abroad group, I was also apparently the only one who could pass for a pre-teen. This and many humbling experiences like it made me long for the day when I would be a legitimate, old adult--with an unassailable, average age.
I expected that to come with my 20's. That day has yet to come, however. Age 21 then 22 came and went without any measurable change in my perceived age. A few days ago, I was buying lunch among all the business lunch crowd, and I was doing my best to make my 5' 2" frame appear taller, holding my grown up woman purse prominently and making my small voice sound authoritative as I ordered my food. The male cashier handed me my receipt and said a sugary, high-voiced, "here you go, hon." He looked as if he wanted to lean across the counter, pat me on the head, and help guide me to the kids' table.
Call me overly sensitive if you want, but I've had it! I've been waiting too long to feel like a grown up! So I've decided to take some drastic measures to make me seem older.
So far this is what I've come up with:
-Get this haircut:
-Wear these jeans:
-Bake
-Say "gadfreys!" more often
-Ask a teenager for help using my phone
-Store my phone in a holster on my belt
-Use the word "holster" more often
-Reminisce about the Reagan administration
-Eat at more buffet restaurants
-Eat less Kraft Macaroni and Cheese
-Forward more emails
-Call everyone "sweety" and "hon"
Any other suggestions? Please--I need all the help I can get!
13 comments:
Enjoy it while you can? I too was married at 18 and was told forever "you're too young to (fill in the blank with every reality of my life)" While I do get a few "you're too young to be a grandma" comments now and then that's about it... and I gave up my mom jeans and don't have that hair cut. Trust me, this time will not last forever and in the mean time - order the kids meal, or two and see what they say.
Ha! I'm pretty sure I asked you how old you were when I found out you were married.I especially like forwarding emails as a suggestion.
You'd better get some TV dinners too. Or maybe that is too old for you. But...I guess if you are going for the hair, it would fit right in.
You are hilarious, and I think your list is quite complete. I especially like the "gadfreys" and email forwarding ideas.
You should also learn to pose like the ladies in that mom jeans photo/video, other than that I think you've got a good plan laid out.
Annie, I too "suffer" from looking young for my age. My friend Mary told me that after the first time she met me, that she turned to her roommates and said "Peter's cute, but he needs to go on a mission first." I was 25 and home for 4 and a half years. I've tried growing some facial hair but I'm not sure that would work for you.
I have the exact same complex! It's even worse now that I have a kid because I feel like strangers look at me and Payden and think I'm just another 16 year old that got knocked up. I make Jordan wear his wedding ring when he's with me just so that people won't think I'm another teen pregnancy case. Maybe we should start a self help forum.
Annie, I feel your pain! I too have been a victim of this age complex since I was about 15. Just yesterday someone in the store called me "kiddo." When I was a leader at girl's camp this summer someone came up to me and asked where my leader was. Whenever Mike and I go anywhere I'm sure we look like high school kids on a date.
Well, hon, there's not much you can do to change your genes, even if you wear the mom jeans. But just think how this age discrepancy will play out when you are 50. That's when you'll get the big pay off for your troubles now.
Contributions from a former grocery store employee:
Start bending your arm and carrying your purse in the crook thereof. When it rains wear a scarf on your head to protect your hair (it'll work even better if it's plastic). Carry a cane (this one comes with the added benefit of waving it around, pretending to be President Hinckley). Always wear pantyhose. Buy a briefcase. Try using expired coupons on promotional products you wouldn't normally buy.
That's all I've got. Best of luck!
Afraid I can't give you any advice in this category--I suffered from the exact opposite problem. People have been thinking I was my siblings' mother since I was 12 (right after England I was mistaken for the mom of 11, come on!) And my college sisters' friends started hitting on me when I visited them at 16, and were shocked to discover that I was not their older sister. When we are 40 I will look like an old lady and you will just look grown up and I'll be super jealous!
I used to get it too, but now I get the ma'am instead. I have to admit that I wish they were still thinking I was the little girl! :)
I have the same problem and I'm 31. I will try some of your suggestions. My mom suggested that you don't use your blinker when you drive, go to bed by 8pm, and pretend to have a hard time hearing what people are saying.
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