The Phillips School of Sophistication

Lesson 1: How to Be Classy
I will use our weekend date as a template to guide you in your efforts to be as classy as us.

First: go to the art museum.

Roo: Who painted that?
Annie: Oh...umm...(try to catch a view of the tiny print information next to the painting without him noticing) Mondrian. (say it like you knew it all along. Then turn your head sideways to better examine the painting while folding your arms and tapping your chin with your finger. This pose lends serious artistic credibility. Believe me.)

Say things like: "Oh, I could do that!" and "Now that's what I'm talking about!" (especially if you are a man looking at a painting of a nude.)

Also, spend as much time in the museum gift shop as you do in the museum itself.

Next: Go to Dinner

Choose a high end, little known restaurant where they use square plates and stack the food all in the middle. If your hair gets in your face, don't bother setting down your fork when you brush the stray strand away and fling the food onto the floor behind you. Try to not let Roo notice that you did it. Also, pass your entrees back and forth between yourself and your date and use your tiny bread plate to cut up the filet mignon.

Next: Dessert and People Watching

Bypass the luxurious restaurant cheescake for Dippin' Dots in a styrofoam coffee cup that you bought from the movie theater even though you're not going to a movie. Sit outside a watch the people walk by.

Roo: Are you silently judging everyone who walks by, too?
Annie: No!
Silence for awhile. Someone walks by.
Annie: Can you tell me if that was a man or a woman?

Finally: Go to the Symphony at Abravanel Hall

While walking to your seat, make note of every place that Jason Bourne or Sydney from Alias could potentially jump off of to beat up bad guys. Then compare the floor layout to the course from Nintendo's Marble Madness video game.

Now notice the beautiful glass artwork in the foyer (and pronounce that foy-ay):
Roo: There is nothing I would like more than to shoot that thing with a shotgun.
Annie just nods.

Listen to the pre-concert lecture where the assistant conductor mentions that Beethoven's 9th Symphony is especially flavorant.
Roo: Flavorant? Is that even a word?
Annie is too busy wondering if we could outsmart security and spend the night in here to listen or respond.

While listening to the music:
Roo: What's a concerto?
Annie: I don't know.
Roo: What did Hayden write?
Annie: I don't know.
Roo: Who is better, Mozart or Beethoven?
Annie: I don't know.
Roo: Who is that guy from Alias that the pianist looks like? You know, the bad guy?
Annie: Roger Moore.
Roo: Yeah! That's the guy.

End the evening by sprawling on the couch in your underwear while watching TV late into the night. Then let your dog sleep in your bed with you.

This concludes our lesson for today. If you have any questions, I'll be here picking filet mignon out of my teeth with a pocket knife.

(Thanks for the fun date, Roo! I had an awesome time!)